I grew up in my father's house....you know my biological human father's house who said multiple times a day following his violent temper tantrums which I learned much later after being adult age myself... "THIS IS MY HOUSE & I AM GOING TO DO AND SAY WHATEVER I WANT IN MY HOUSE...Couz,,,,( he meant because) it is MY HOUSE! WHEN YOU HAVE A HOUSE OF YOUR OWN YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT! "
I was always confused when anyone shortened words or used slang especially when he did...
His sister my Aunt Joan....who was a Catholic author and the first anniversary of her death is coming up October 20....she married Louis Cruz and so all of my cousins are named "Cruz" and they called us "Cuz" short for "Cousin" and so when my father would drop the "Be" of of "Because I SAID SO"....
It really toyed with my mind...
For....or.... "as they would say: "Cuz" and even as blind as I was I knew I had no "Cuz'es present"
Such explosion blasts that were no laughing matter for not only were the insides of every one all shook up...
Someone was always injured by him after it was all over....almost always me and sometimes my mother too...
For I remember one day she got a hammer and was holding it over my father's head saying: "Danny I AM GOING TO HIT YOU IN THE HEAD IF YOU DON'T GET OFF OF HER NOW!"
Sometimes he would add: "TOUGH! YOU'LL Just HAVE TO TOUGH IT OUT!"
I was not the only one in his house or even the extended family who could never figure out what " set him off this time."
But as a child & through my growing years I was not aware that I was not the only one who did not understand nor anticipated his explosions before they happened.
I also at some point in my life saw somewhere either a play or movie that King Henry the 8th was a character.
" I AM HENRY THE 8th I AM....I AM...I got married to the widow next door, she'd been married 7 times before....and each one was a Henry...I AM her 8th OLD MAN... I Am Henry the 8th I AM!"
And then when visitors came over whether it was the esteemed homosexual Full Professor of the family....with his parents my Uncle Charlie who was my Godfather....He Charles Jessie Conrad and my paternal grandmother Josephine Carroll were my God Parents and back then God Parents alone without the biological parents & family took the baby to the church for Baptism.
This was a custom then that I was not aware of until I needed a copy of my Baptismal Record & I asked Aunt Joan if she knew what church I was baptised at....
She had to think about it saying: "Well Dawlin I wasn't there but....she knew where her brother & sister in law... my mother & father were living at the time and said: "Try Saint James Major Stephanie." And turned out correct.
And so when ever guests came over my father Daniel Joseph Carroll Junior could control himself in front of any guests...
For guests he put on not merely "His honest face" which couldn't stay composed when only his own wife and children were home...
But for Marguerite, Charlie, Max....or neighbors from down the street regardless from which direction....or "Blood Relatives" who had to journey at least a certain distance to get there...
Out of his mouth regardless what was the subject: "Oahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sure that's quite all right.....not a problem" to requests made by anyone whose esteem he desired to maintain....
I always recognized if I had made the same request or made the same complaint...
I got popped BADOOM across my face!
And minutes later after the explosion quieted he would look at my bruised face or my bloody or swollen lip from his hand and say to me: "GO TO YOUR ROOM...THATS YOUR PROBLEM!" or he would say a statement as a question: "Whats YOUR PROBLEM...GO TO YOUR ROOM!"
There was at least one time I boldly said: "I don't have a pwroblem Daddy...yo do." and I got another "BADOOM across my mouth as I ran out crying to my room
When I got older and my mother's parents moved back to Louisiana and lived not far at all...
I'd call my Paw Paw on the before it got that bad and say either: Momma Daddy fighting again and....or Paw Paw Daddy hit me face again." And Paw Paw would say "Okay be ready I'm a....coming.
I always recognized PawPaw's "i am coming" as gentle and comforting...
My father's: "I AM" I associated with I AM KING HENRY THE 8th I AM...Dad was KING of his house HIS Castle and anyone who entered entered at their own risk...
PawPaw's "I am"...was tender and a lift of comfort...l always knew PawPaw loved me.
And so these more recent days....cannot remember when "NO PROBLEM" became part of everyone's speech regardless the topic of conversation.
Few realize that when they speak this phrase they actually stir the air with uneasiness that everyone must consciously ignore for then they laugh.
The only Great I AM...is The Most Holy Trinity...HE is...HE is...the only Great I AM....HE never needs to kick cans... to prove HE is a man...as all the Dad's I knew...
God is God...
And Daddy'O's mere males...who never lived as respectable men.
HIS Holy Voice creates and commands....
Without force but spirit indwelling guiding, directing while protecting....
Filling with peace that surpasses all understanding...
How can I explain...I cannot....
I just remain one in HIM and HE remains in me...
And HE will remain in and with you when you draw close to HIM too...
You will never be blue...but you can choose to wear blue instead.
As you and I follow each and every one of HIS commands...
Allowing HIM to lead you and I in the flock of sheep as a blind band...
Without even my own two hands pressing and building a sandcastle with my own two hands along HIS beach or seashore....
HE IS HE IS...the only man upstairs who can change all things HE wiped and dried my bloody knees when I would fall.... and raise the dead out of the sand....with HIS Words HE Commands.
And it's not about what "YOU BETTER Do or not do" like " Romper Room Do Bees & Don't Bees"...
When we remain in HIM and with HIM....relationship in & with HIM.... fills us with HIS spirit that once we have received and communed with even for just "A little while" we never want to depart from or lose...
It is a new life that is forever more...MIRACULOUS....
Why would their ever be a problem in such a life....so let us delete the "anticipation of problem's" from our lives by deleting the word "Problem" from our vocabulary and replacing it with "Challenges."
And God will always give HIS obedient little ones who remain in HIM victory over each and every challenge along the trails of trials among the wicked who know HIM not but you & I HE will always deliver!
Amen!
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